How to Build a Fire Pit 

The last few parties I’ve attended boasted a fire pit in the host’s yard. This caused a horrible case of fire pit envy. Motivated by romantic thoughts of my friends gathered around the fire, drinking a cold beer, roasting marshmallows and burning sensitive documents I decided to build one. If you would like to have a cool home-made fire pit just follow these simple instructions. Note: this process can be skipped and replaced with: Go to Big Lots and buy a fire pit.

Step 1: Get your handy friend drunk. This is really the most important step. We all have that friend who is pretty good with his hands. He owns tools that you wouldn’t know how to turn on or which end to use. He can fix cars. He’s a perfectionist. He inherently knows how to perform tasks that others have to go to trade school to learn. To protect the identity of my friend who fits this bill we’ll just call him Danny (…that’s pretty generic…yeah…Danny Smith) or The Lebanese Lover. (No, chucklehead…he’s not my lover…he’s Lebanese and does pretty well with the ladies…am not sure if those two facts have anything to do with each other.) Danny may very well be the guy that stars in Hank Jr’s song. If you do not have such a friend, you will need to add Step 1a. Get a handy friend. If perchance, you are your own handy friend, then why the heck are you reading this. You should already contain the programming necessary to build a fire pit.

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